bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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