the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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