I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
