I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
