Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
