he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
