Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
