After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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