i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
