im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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