My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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