fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Even my vagina gasped.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
