you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
