we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
