i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
