I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
