My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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