I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
