what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Someone shit on the floor
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
