we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
