took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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