Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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