I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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