Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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