Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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