The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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