Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sext me about skeletons
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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