It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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