just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
