If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
