You're a womanizer and a bitch.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize