Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
