it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
