Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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