He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
