When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
