I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Houston, we have a blender
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
