I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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