Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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