just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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