I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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