The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
