He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
