hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize