Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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