so that wasnt chicken after all
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
