Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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