The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
