i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
