Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize