sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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