He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
