Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
