he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
