Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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