And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
