Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize