She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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