And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
