If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
