Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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