Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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