we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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