i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
