I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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