Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
soo... how was my night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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