rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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