She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
