do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
