I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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