So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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