i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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