If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
