just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
