Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
