I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize