I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
