The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
