she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
