dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
