I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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