plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
