I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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