she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
