were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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