girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
