Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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