Can i not drive my cunt home
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
