shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
