Ambien. No doubt about it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
