I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize