Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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