I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
