You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
