that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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