There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
