for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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