He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I didn't notice because vodka
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
