my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
