apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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