Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
