does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to be your penis for a week.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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