yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
