How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
