whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
