I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's just like the Real World with babies
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
