My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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