you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
