Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
