pop tarts are not kleenex
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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