hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
