Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
