He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please come you make the beer taste better
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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