The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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