Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
