I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
