Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
