am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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