Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
as a side note pls kill me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize