My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
