maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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