You're so nebulous sometimes
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
