ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
